Self-pity is a destroyer and is to be resisted at every turn.  Once one is poisoned by self-pity it can become a constant temptation eating away at your soul.  What are the common every day misunderstanding, under appreciations, unfair treatments of life turns into a suspicion that someone is out to get me. It examines all perceived mistreatment with the magnifying power of a telescope but then turns the telescope around when it looks at its own ehavior or the needs of another.  There is no capacity to even temporarily suspend their selfishness to focus their energy to serve someone who truly is in need.

To everyone else not poisoned by self-pity, self-pity is an ugly cesspool of anger, bitterness, and hatred.  But to the person who has been poisoned self-pity is a seductive addictive poison.  The sirens of jealousy, envy and past memories of hurt seduce them to sip the poison again and again.

The tendency and propensity to feel sorry for yourself because you are not getting what you think you deserve is what drives self-pity. The person infected with it assumes they are entitled to better treatment than they have received.  What is at the heart of self-pity is self-centeredness and pride.

Self-pity by pride and self-centeredness kicks God off His throne and boldly proclaims I deserve to sit there, failing to realize that God has made them from nothing, and breathed life into their soul. He gave His Son for them. They have no “rights.” All is a gift.  They belong to the Creator.  Even if He were evil, resenting Him would be utter stupidity since he is the potter and they are the clay.

Self-pity is always preceded by envy and jealousy. “I want what you have” is envy. It can also express itself with resentment because “I deserve what you have.” And Jealousy is the unfounded fear that “You might take what I have.” Cain envied Abel. He should have rejoiced in his brother’s acceptable sacrifice but instead he felt that he deserved the approval that Abel was getting. He refused to do what is brother did and then in his anger and self-pity he plotted, then killed his brother (Gen. 4:5-8).

Anger gives voice to self-pity.  Deploring bitterly the good or better treatment that someone else receives.  They want what others are getting but since they aren’t anger erupts. It rains down its ugly debris on all those close by—family members, friends, and associates it matter little to them. A bitter and unforgiving heart assures that self-pity will not only continue to live but will grow like a malignant cancer..

Meditate on this all who are infected by the poison of self-pity. When Jesus predicted His own suffering and death, Satan spoke through Peter and said, “Far be it from You, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” Jesus could have said, “You’re right. This is a raw deal. I can’t believe the Father is doing this to me. After all, I’m the sinless Son of God.” But Jesus did not say that. Instead, He turn and ordered Satan to get away from Him and then said to the man Peter you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” Matt.16:22-23.  This is why we are all commanded to follow His example.  “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in the nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! Philippians 2:5-8.

Next up, how to overcome self-pity.

Agape Love

 

Agape love is God's kind of love. Jesus was the greatest expression of love that ever came into the world, but it is never recorded that he ever said the words, "I love you!" Why? Because he sought the welfare and betterment of all of mankind regardless of how he felt. Agape does not have the primary meaning of feelings or affection. Jesus didn’t get up that morning on the day that he died and say, “I feel like dying for the world.”  It is recorded in the gospels just hours before he gave his life that he prayed, "Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt" His agape love to do His Fathers will was stronger  than his feelings for himself.  His actions were independent in that he loved even when he knew mankind would not respond as he would want.  It is self-giving in meeting real needs of the other with the purpose of helping the person to become a better, more mature individual.  We can agape our enemies regardless of how we feel. If they are hungry, we can feed them; if they thirst we can give them a drink (Rom. 12:20-21). We can choose to seek the betterment and welfare of others regardless of how we feel.  Why? Because 95 percent of all love is non-verbal. Jesus did not love with just words but in deeds and truth (1 Jn. 3:18). If your actions contradict your words, what are people going to believe, your words or your actions? Your actions of course. Vine's Expository Dictionary states, "Love can be known only from the actions it prompts"

This is the kind of love that sustains marriage.  There will be times when you are married when you will not have Eros love or even Phileo Love but you can always have Agape love because it is a choice of how you will behave. I cannot tell you the number of times my wife has told me, “I don’t like your right now but I love you.” And because she had Agape love it sustain Eros and Phileo love.  Agape love takes the initiative and energizes the other two kinds of love.

1Co 13:4-8, “Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail. Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary; there are gifts of speaking in strange tongues, but they will cease; there is knowledge, but it will pass

Phileo Love

Phileo love is when a friend loves a friend and there is no associated romantic feeling between the two parties. Sometimes, it is referred to as brotherly love. Phileo love means reciprocal sharing of time, activities, the home, hobbies, games, and other objects of common fellowship. It is delighting to be in the presence of another, a warm feeling that comes and goes with intensity. The Bible encourages it but it is never a direct command. God never commands phileo since this type of love is based on feelings. This type of love is an important part of marriage and enriches it but it alone cannot sustain it.

Rom 12:9-13 Love must be completely sincere. Hate what is evil, hold on to what is good.  Love one another warmly as Christians, and be eager to show respect for one another.  Work hard and do not be lazy. Serve the Lord with a heart full of devotion.  Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times. Share your belongings with your needy fellow Christians, and open your homes to strangers.

Up next Agape love

Our English language only has one word for love.  We say we love chocolate and then use the same word to describe our devotion for our spouse when it is obvious we do not equate the two.  The Greeks on the other hand had different words to describe love.  One of those words was Eros.

This is need love. It is based upon physical attraction and used to describe intimate love or romantic love. Salomon advises us to focus and reserve this type of love exclusively for our spouse.

Proverbs 5:15-19-Drink waters out of your own cistern, and running waters out of your own well. Should your overflowing springs be scattered outside, like rivers of waters in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not to strangers with you; let your fountains be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth; she is a loving deer, a graceful doe; let her breasts satisfy you every time, and always be ravished in her love.

This love is necessary for marriage to succeed however, marriage cannot be sustained by Eros alone.  Tomorrow Phileo Love